Once upon a time…no, just kidding… It was exactly three years ago, when I moved into my new flat. The very first moment I saw it, I knew – it is my place to recover. Since then, I’ve lived every inch of that place. The balcony in particular.
Plants never grew around me. When I was a girl, I had few cactuses and that was it. But they dried.
My mother, on the other hand, grew a blooming cascades on our balcony. I recall the photos so well, of her, surrounded by those flowers. I rarely saw her proud. Then, I did. She loved geraniums and petunias. I couldn’t stand them.
No flowers have ever bloomed in my flat. When I moved to Warsaw, or earlier, when we bought a house with my dad – never ever did anything grow. I’d never lived in a house before. Approaching the garden was as far from my world as lack of diversity is nowadays. It was my dad then who after a while befriended gardening, flower pots, bushes, the beautiful pine tree in front or the vines at the back.
All flowers would die in my flat. When I moved to Warsaw, I tried. With tall ones, already fully prepared for the battle. Nope. Or with petunias and geraniums – thought this might work. Nope. No wonder there though, but I had to learn the hard way.
Then, I moved. Literally, I moved every inch of me. Inside out. Back and forth, top to bottom. I once saw a framed quote put on my cousin’s wall saying: „I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m going. Are you going with me?” That’s how life was for me then. I constantly asked Life – Are you going with me? I asked my Body, my Mind – are you going with me? I wasn’t always sure. A lot of those days I’d spend on trainings – yes the ones led by Marek, from this post: A FAREWELL
My plants never grew. Until I grew. I remember well the first one. It was a tiny ivy – I’ve always liked the name. And I heard Ivy is a strong one, a fighter, a thriving paragon. Well, let’s see how she (yep… saw her as a she) handles me. I remember even better the moment when I went to buy some soil and a new pot as my Ivy grew out of her old one. I learnt how to take care of her – the right amount of water, the watering frequency, the amount of light – not so obvious at all to me. Then what to do with my Ivy in the winter to let her rest.
We begun to cooperate, learn our routines, moods, co-existing in our environment.
My Ivy grew, survived another winter, stayed throughout hot summers and cold winters. She now is the biggest plant on my balcony, residing in the corner in the biggest pot I could find, enjoying the shade and light breeze, currently growing so fast and so untamed…
The IvyGirl
I had never been able to keep a plant alive. I have had my Ivy for three years now.
And my boxtree, and my citrus tree, who went to hell and back with me. Currently blooming like never before. He lost his leaves at the beginning. But endured – his will to fight is immense, he holds for a while and then…the unstoppable power unleashed. My Citrus impresses me so much, and every day. I love him.
LemonTree
And the herbs… oh, the herbs – that is such a big deal. To me, herbs were the weakest… how wrong was I! The are on the flow now, so strong-minded now. I’ve two mints – one decided to die a little at first, but then we had a serious conversation about not letting go, my mint decided to flourish…and the second one, well I didn’t have to tell him twice! This mint is having his way in everything. Strong, overwhelming, willing.
Diversity
They are accompanied by thyme. Thyme was so shy at the beginning, as if on a halt. Holding his breath, a bit anxious what is this house about here… Now, he grows steadily, constantly, mildly, always knowing how to reach the right amount of sun.
We also have flowers now. I mean like real flower flowers, with colorful petals and everything – M had an idea to bind them together – with one rack to climb. The red and the pink. Just starting that journey now.
TheDuet
I didn’t know how to cherish plants. I learnt. The hard way. But I learnt. And I’m so grateful for that. I still need to learn their power of recovery and not giving up.
Another one is Kindness – still a lesson to learn, but I can see that my kindness and mindfulness with the plants is crucial, never just a rule, more of an adjustment, careful watch, love. After all, as Brene Brown says, „Clear is Kind” – but that’s a whole another story…
Are your fingers green?
P.S. I also love the movie The Life of Pi
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I write when I feel I have something to say, something important. Not just anything. On the other hand, I realize regularity is the key if you really want to connect with this one-sided communication mode called blog. And I’m torn. I haven’t written here for a long time now although there was so much much going on. Or maybe that’s why. Sometimes I simply feel a story worth telling needs space, time, nurture. Perhaps, giving myself the permission for that time and space was my biggest lesson in recent weeks. Perhaps. Or a major setback, no idea yet…
Nevertheless… Oh, I love that phrase, I repeat it to my Students on writing classes over and over again… you should see their faces! Anyhow (another one…), so anyhow, I’ve recently found myself sitting in my favorite spot in our flat – the balcony, on my dream deckchair (it’s one of my weaknesses – deckchairs), sipping chilled Prosecco, with tears in my eyes. Then I decided.
Some time two years ago my friend contacted me and asked if she could recommend me to this school she works at, for English, perhaps some minor coaching project, let’s see.
I agreed – I trust her, if she thought I’m a fit, I’d go for it! After some meetings and several cups of coffee I found myself supporting some Students with their daily education, English language skills, and the university applications abroad. At first, it was just incidental meetings, some diagnostic work, sometimes a bit of English. Very varied – „yes” I thought „exactly how I like it the most.” Within few months, I had some ideas too how to facilitate some processes within what I was doing. It was a great adventure for few months.
And then. suddenly, I as the summer went by and September came, there it was… My own timetable! I had a timetable!
Let me stop here and elaborate… I haven’t had a timetable or a schedule since… well, I don’t know when…I am a master of my time, that’s how I chose, with all the ups and downs connected with it (and boy, there are many…). If I decide to work long hours, I decide, If I decide not to work, I decide (yeah, like that ever happened…). But still, even for the trainings – it is always a mutual decision when and how, never a timetable…
So, here I am, with set hours weekly, caught in the middle of a game really. I even got a name from the head of the College… I was the Educational Coach. You know this state of mixed feelings, highly mixed? Like: „Ok, I got it! There’s the change I wanted.” And then: „Oh no, I’m stuck, how on earth am I ever going to blend it into my unsteady work life?”
It took a while. I’m still not sure if the „while” was short or long. After two weeks all was ready. Actually, I was ready. And then…
…and them it turned out that my greatest fear was just…a fear. I currently work at a place where change is our daily routine. Where we adjust, sometimes within hours. Where those few stable hours a week became a blessing.
The lockdown was and will remain a game-changer. Also for me at the college. But I think in a different way you may suspect.
No, we didn’t stop even for a day. This place happened to be more than technically ready for online teaching and learning. Within two hours, the place was empty, everyone sent home with the promise of support and help. And yes, these were the days when the frontdesk girls used their amazing superpowers to aid us all.
Strange days spent in front of Skype followed. No A-Levels exams, predicted grades instead, mountains of written assignments, amounting signs of social distancing, tiredness, full house, empty house, no space, too much space… all at once.
I will always remember and tell stories about it when I’m gray and old. Stories of this one morning when I was holding classes on resilience, one of our children was randomly shouting words in English with headphones on (yep, online English lessons), the other one running around the house for PE classes – BT headphones naturally on… and the third one away in the other room occasionally commenting on the poor IT skills of the teacher (seriously, how???) And my M on a morning meeting with his team assigning daily tasks… Crazy place I thought, not clearly remembering if the next one is on Skype, Zoom or Teams… Crazy but a bit of a dream come true too. I loved it! Of course, it was tiring, exhausting even, at times. But the gratitude in the shape of „we are together, we are handing” was and is enough. And real-life resilience lesson for all.
This time of online turned out to be a gift that I enjoyed immensely, doing all I can to empower, support, accompany – whatever was the utmost current need. I had a chance to enter the world of a beautiful secret garden leading to grandma’s house, the space where an adorable kitten is the family’s love, the moments when a child wanted to join, when I shared the feeling of pride when deliciously looking buns were ready… I said yes to it all, allowing those I worked with feel comfortable – that’s how I like it, want it… as I praise honesty higher than an ideal image.
As days went by, I suddenly (yes, still suddenly) found myself finishing off the classes at my college. The days became warmer, the workload slowly lessened, the summer mood was gradually taking over…
And you know what, they did it! I did it! We all did it!
So, the school year was about to end. Phew I thought, finally… oh, wait, actually, so soon..? Really? That’s it?
One of them goes to study in the USA, the Other in the UK, another One in Barcelona (BARCELONA!!!!)… We say goodbye, thank you, enjoy the summer, good job, I’m proud…
And then suddenly I am overwhelmed. My throat goes dry, the voice trembles, my eyes get watery… What the… I’m thinking…. And the Unexpected happens. I got attached.
I have no doubt when I say, from the bottom of my heart, I wish you all there is to wish for the game-changers, badasses, rulers, visionaries, creators… you certainly changed my way of working, perceiving, planning…
May the odds be ever at your favor Dear Friends! And the Unexpected visit you as often as possible…
Remember, you are worth it!
We are worth it!
And you? When was the last time you noticed the Unexpected?
My favourite quote by Oscar Wilde
I’ve been struggling. This text was supposed to be „thriving on a storm”. This text was supposed to be published almost two weeks ago. This text was supposed to be about coping.
But none of this happened. Or maybe it actually did? But not in the way I expected, wanted, thought it’s best, necessary?
So, the story goes like this. My work is primarily about being with people, letting them grow. My current most rewarding and overwhelming sometimes job is educational coaching. For over a year now, I have been a part of a great team at Akademeia Tutorial College. We focus on letting our Students do what is needed at present, aiding them as much as we can remotely. I speak to Students on a weekly basis about staying in good state, using stress to their advantage, accepting the unavoidable frustration…
It seems I forgot about myself. I became so occupied with preaching that I forgot the practice part…
Bad idea, very bad.
To me, a sheer rookie at blogging, this is the place where I want to share something I perceive as important. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t I suppose. Telling you my stories, I need to have a purpose. An idea that is worth mentioning, naming, addressing as perhaps reading it will, eventually, evoke the „me too” reaction. I’m writing about the previous weeks to tell you and myself for that matter something you probably know, but I still consider important enough to repeat and remind…
we’re in this together
What has been worrying me the most during the last several weeks is the pressure we feel to „stay positive”, „look at the bright side”, „accept the reality”, „learn something new”… It is all true to me – I believe in the all above but not at any lengths less than in the simple act of trust. The Trust you place in yourself, in your mind, in your body, combined. My mind tells me it’s ok. My body tells me it is not at all. My emotions are wild, my thoughts are racing. So where’s my trust? In all of these. I have learnt, the hard way, that neglecting any of the above never works for me. But here comes the hard part. In my case, and perhaps not only in mine, one-time enlightenment is not enough.
It is a process, a never-ending story of perpetual dance, always one step further but still always on the move.
So, here I am realizing to what extent I have forgotten about myself and my process. And mind you, this „realising” itself took time. Once this ball lights above my head, the wheel’s spinning as…been there, done that – feel a bit more ready, many a time. Fortunately or not, haven’t decided yet… But I feel also lucky enough and ready enough to use the world around to help in these rather critical moments of struggle. In my case, this means reading the signs, making sense of what comes my way. This time it was a computer with some lovely design in the form of a spilt coffee on it…
”Have a break girl!” – my unconscious mind said.
„OMG, seriously?!” – siad the conscious one…
All in all, I needed to leave home, travel, ask for help…to begin with. Taking into account my state before, it turned into a lesson of humbleness, accompanied by a rather vast range of other emotions…to put it mildly. A sort of an emotional ride I gave myself. Or the world did. Or, I don’t know exactly… But as with every ride of mine (yours too?), there’s a feeling of liberation in the horizon somewhere there…and an overwhelming feeling as if I was in a washing machine, cleaning my ideas, checking which ones survive the washing powder test of bringing me closer to my values, and the softener test of letting me be vulnerable in Brene Brown’s way. Is it a pretty moment? Oh no. Easy? Oh no. Worth it? Every single time. Does it get easier? Nope… And that’s my revelation really.
It doesn’t get any easier. You get stronger, calmer, more loving, accepting, happier…
And there, in the cyclone’s eye, I found it. The key – there’s one thing that helps me every single time. An aim stable, broad, far enough to let me still crave it no matter the present turbulence. This time, the world gave it to me in two forms. As I was going through my data on my Mac in order to organise myself back after the coffee-gate, I came across this pic you see above.
It’s my older son during our holiday five years ago in Croatia. We’re at Peljesac peninsula, my fav place in the world. He’s looking towards a spot we visited earlier that day. He’s facing the route towards a village where I want to live one day… And there it was, a dear memory of mine. A memory of a great training during which one of the tasks was to describe, in detail and all modalities: audio, visual, and kinesthetic, the brave, audacious aim of ours in the form of a letter. In seconds, I had it. I read it. Went back with my thoughts and feelings to that moment of writing the letter and to being in that spot. It caught me by surprise, at my dinner table and it took me few minutes.
It will pass? It will pass! It will pass.
All this mess, this emotional ride and this washing of mine is for a purpose, and will pass. This simple yet not so obvious to me, idea appeared truly soothing. Gave the perspective I needed.
I’m still healing. Going through my process, remembering what Winston Churchill would say…
Curtesy of Unsplash (author: Othelie Authier)
Are you going through hell? Are you on a not-so-joyous ride? How is the washing going?
Because, we’re all in it – being a human.
For me, moving the horizon is apparently the key. Thank you, Martyna Wojciechowska for that.
And you? What is your key? Would you have a letter to yourself with the great audacious aim? Or a photo of Stas in Croatia?
What helps you? What keeps you going through your hell?
One of my students told me today that she hates rhetorical questions in emails…
Well, I hope you can forgive me these ones, my Dear Friend.
If not, I believe it is not the questions that are annoying but rather the answers that come…
Oh, I almost forgot. The cherry on the cake… Remember my cousin who had to call off her wedding? Well… we’ve got a new date! And I cannot wait! Yet, another grand moment to look forward to…
Dear World, Annie, Ola, Marek, Stas, Croatia…
Thank you
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At one of the conferences within the OfutureZOne space by CAF, Poznań, photo by Karolina Czapska
I remember the train – it was a hot June afternoon – I was travelling to Warsaw from Poznań and on the phone with my friend who worked in the capital at that time. I needed that conversation a lot. I was just about to attend a job interview I knew very little of.
I had no idea what to think. My mind was in a void then, on the one hand happily in love, on the other grieving. As if I had to choose between the worlds. It matters because the occupied mind did not allow me to worry, stress out or fear any of the new situations that were ahead of me. Good and bad, as always. Then it served me well I suppose. I wasn’t intimidated when I learnt I’m talking to Rupert Murdoch’s right hand in Poland. I got the full picture only when I left the building….
It was a carousel! Within a little over a year I have switched from the PA to HR Specialist and then…to an anchor. An anchor is the name used in News Dept. Those who preset news, are anchors. I was an anchor…nothing less, nothing more, but a weather girl! Oh, that was a joyride indeed!
But the biggest game-changer for me was the time when I worked as a host at a culture program – a daily short conversations on what is currently going on within the world of music, books, ballet, theatre, cinema, exhibitions… anything you could call „art and culture”. The program was called Puls Kultury and I loved it! It was the best tv experience I could imagine! I was getting better and better at what I was doing also because I enjoyed it so much! We would commute around Warsaw, take shots, interview authors, dancers, actors, musicians… I was an amazing possibility to also get to know the city. I still felt as a newcomer back then and this kind of job allowed me to really get our of that „only a tourist here” feeling and see this other, sooo appealing side of Warsaw.
I discovered places and communities that made me believe our capital city has much more ot offer than we think…It just needs some… time and effort, surprise surprise!
I was six weeks into my first pregnancy when Rupert Murdoch decided to pull out of his businesses in Europe – well most of them anyhow. My Dept seized to exist. I took a decision then. That I want to stay home. And I did.
The camera experience stayed with me. When, after few years, I went back to being active professionally, I was able to use this up. And the notion of talking to others, but also to myself, as this is how I felt at times, has been a part of my job ever since. But in a slightly unexpected ways.
I was faced with an exercise that used the metaphor of the camera that fundamentally changed my perspective over values in my life. I have been speaking to crowds as an interpreter or trainer or speaker ever since, I worked as a rep for the beauty sector during EU meetings or as a PR rep for a art&design foundation, CAF, when it was launching the project called OfutureZone, I worked at sailing Championship for two weeks as a onshore reporter… (there’s more on it here) – EVERY single time, the camera experience was there with me. EVERY single time, I drew upon it and grew.
SAP 505 World Championship 2018 || 2018-07-19, Gdynia, Poland || © Copyright 2018 || Polskie Stowarzyszenie Klasy 505 || All Rights Reserved || photo: Robert Hajduk – ShutterSail.com
Now, when I work with people on how to talk to others, pitch, present – I often recall those days. I tell them to stay watchful and ready as you never know when a guardian angel my come your way and let you be… a weather girl
My Guardian Angels were plenty. My first boss, Robert, my news Dept boss, Amelia. My dear friend, Aga who recommended me further, the president of the 505Ass, Przemek,… the list goes on and on… The all have one thing in common though – they all believed in me.
And I am thankful for their trust everyday.
I was wondering though, how on earth did this story came to my mind these particular days? Why would I go back in time so much? What was it that I needed to remind myself of?
I’m not sure how about you but in my case it’s around 5:00 am…that’s the time when my mind sends the message – works impeccably! Apparently, it was fear… Fear of the unknown. Yes, I do fear, of the unknown no matter how much I love novelty at the same time. And now, the Unknown is a little bit more than I could handle without reminding myself of the times when every single day was unknown, when I did things for the first time, when I had to stand face to face with the most fierce judge of all – myself. When we knew we are being let go, but no one knew the rules, timing, number…
So, my dear Friend, my subconscious mind did the work for me I suppose…”Look Girl, it’s not that new a feeling here…you’ve been there, done that, you got this. You got this!”
The amount of talks online I’ve been having recently is immense. It’s a different world, requires of me different skills, different approach. But I’m thriving. I want to. As simple as that. It’s worth it.
It is just worth it.
I’ll keep talking to myself. It saved me so many times before. I forgot about it. And you?
Are you talking to yourself?
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Beautiful photo by Ross Findon, taken from Unsplash
It was supposed to be about skis. Then, about grit itself. Then, I thought it will a good idea to write about the stages one may have once grieving (yes, what we’re going through globally now can be seen as this exactly). Then, again, I went back to the idea of skis…Ideas are plenty in my head, too plenty at times to be honest. It becomes even more complicated when I try to see them in perspective, in context. Of my future readers, of my current situation, of my family’s needs that seem to be sooo overwhelming these days.
And then, it figured… the ever present word that I seem to dream about now is… WEBINAR. Webinar as an answer to all the work problems. A webinar to let our clients stay in touch and not forget… a webinar to keep myself busy, a webinar to do a webinar… after all, let’s move on with the digital.
In the times of insecurity pushed to the limits, a webinar became an answer to everything. Yes, we can do Judo classes for your son online. Yes, you can learn totally new things just by looking at our instructors… Yes, of course there were things you’ve always wanted to acquire! Now’s the time!
Or, maybe not!?” Whatever you were doing – just carry on” is the other option. Like the English during World War II – just keep calm and carry on. Routine will help – stick to your routine. Don’t let others destroy it. But remember, be kind – to yourself, to them, help out, support, find time. You’ve plenty of time now, right?
So, which free webinar do you want? The one to help you stay sane? Or the one to support your online work? Or maybe yoga? Or, none as you should helping your kids out instead with their homeschooling…
I lost it. Last week I did. It was Thursday afternoon. I was so proud – we got ready the week before. We planned it all. Got the shopping in time for seven days of feeding five people. We rescheduled, prepared for kids’ classes to be taken online, meetings and tutorials too. All was there. And indeed it was a success! That first week went smoothly, with no bigger issues, no major frustration or quarrels over lost connection during social science classes or unstable skype conversation with one of the Clients…We did it I thought! We got a grip, we know how to handle this thing called the lockdown.
My ordered new skiing set came. I decided to go big there….Atomic Redster s9, Atomic Redster club sport 130 boots… Again, I thought – yes, my anchor or metaphor if you prefer of endurance and grit is here, nothing can go wrong now! It was a bit of a hustle though, the primary point of collection of the parcel was closed, the DPD courier did a lot to help me out. I was even more grateful – „woow, people are so nice, so graceful in this huge mess.
But still, I lost it. My poise I mean. Out of the blue, as if on some idle Tuesday afternoon. With no warning. I am currently working on a grit program, reading about it, doing my research, getting to know growth mindset even better. Still, didn’t protect me from the blues. That’s what I was thinking that Thursday afternoon already spiraling into the depths of doubt. Self-doubt mostly.
And then, Friday came. We had a meeting scheduled with my dear friend to discuss… a webinar. What else. The plan is to come up with something that allows us both to share with you the knowledge and expertise we both have – partly overlapping and partly not at all. These were one of the most demanding two hours that previous week. I believe in this project with all my heart! But that time, my heart was filled with fear. Fear I haven’t addressed being too busy planning, executing, and bragging about it.
The webinar became a symbol – a symbol of my fears for my work. We all share that I suppose. Will I have any work? Will we be able to hold certain trainings online? OR will webinars – literally seminars online take over? How will such webinars change the training market? How to restructure my coaching sessions when done online? Will I have any? I’m sure you know such lists can go on and on – we all have them at times.
And then, the webinar became a symbol of not doing enough. Maybe I should write more? Maybe I should be more active, maybe… My fear always drags me to the perfectionist in me. I hate it. The perfect Ewa is a lethal weapon. Do you know this state when a small thing triggers a huge reaction? It happens when certain feelings were held hidden for too long, consciously or subconsciously.
Well, my webinar meeting became a trigger. The mess on the weekend was…well, messy. Let’s leave it at that. Those honest with themselves, know how it looks like. The messy mess of unexpected but needed burst of feelings usually is nothing even close to pleasant. But here comes the growth mindset and grit again. I learnt the hard way that grit and your mindset will never be that visible in the times of calm and quiet. It’s the moments during AND when coming back to life after a fight, breakdown, panic attack, you name it, that the mindset you have will or will not support you in regaining the balance with lessons learnt. This part is crucial to me – with lessons learnt! Not just „to forget” but to grow, still, even in the hardest moments. Or maybe especially then!
Is that a new part of life for me? No, not at all. But what is new and a lesson learnt to me here is the fact that learning means repeating, reminding, and redoing the whole thing again…sounds ridiculous? Possibly. Sounds obvious? Probably even more. But apparently in my case, I haven’t learnt that lesson yet. The overwhelming presence of COVID-19 made a difference.
So, my new mantra is…”I’m an ongoing process…”
Are you?
Michal, thank you – wouldn’t have done it without you.
Annie, I am sure we will celebrate your wedding when the time is right!
To all of you, stay home, stay safe! Have a webinar. Or not!
IT IS ALWAYS UP TO YOU!
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During my knee op; photo by Adam Ciereszko (adamciereszko.pl)
Some of us run for health, some for status, to show off, to stay fit. Some, again, to escape, have some time for oneself, become a part of something bigger, a part of a group.
In my case, well, to be honest it was a mix I guess. I was fascinated with the amount of people who liked it. I wanted to check for myself.
So I did. I remember my first run, in Poznan, close to my dad’s home. Then, another one, with a bit less frustration… And suddenly, I was running. Running away. That was my way to get out. Primarily out of my own head. The more I was running away, the better I got at it. Till the moment after my first 10k RunWarsaw, I couldn’t move. The muscles – naturally, I didn’t mind that pain. But my knee was the problem – I broke it skiing a decade earlier. It took a while to get better, a lot of effort, not just mine. After a year I went back to skiing. Yes, it hurt a bit sometimes, but hey, wasn’t that normal when you’re carrying not only your own body but also some additional 11k in the shape of a baby?
So, going back to running – here I am, running indeed. Running away or running for the time just for myself, for any break from the spinning thoughts. My getaway, suddenly taken away with the knee that wasn’t working. With the help of my great friend, I ended up in a sports clinic for tests, it turned out that the ligament, ACL, is in fact torn. So now, instead of running I had time to get ready for the op. Another beautiful runaway… Then, getting better after. I did it religiously, day by day. After three months I was back on my feet. Slowly coming back to my sports life, I took to swimming too. Swimming away….well, why not.
A year later, my first half-marathon, in Poznań. I went so well (no, not time-wise, satisfaction-wise) that I didn’t stop…I was sooooo good at this running… I spend whole summer training regularly – stunning surprise to me as I have always had this belief about myself that I am simply unable to be regular at anything. So, why not go faster, bigger, more engaged… I was preparing for my first survival race followed by a second half-marathon that year. Any sane and smart runner will tell you it was far from clever… I know that now, but back then, it didn’t matter. I felt so safe, so far, so… not in my life.
While training on he beach, something hurt in my hip, a bit, just slightly, unnoticeably… Like quiet cry „Ewa, maybe not?”. Did I listen? Well, you know the answer, right?
The survival went great, I had fun, I enjoyed the company of great people, I hurt my hip to the point I couldn’t walk to the car. But surely, I could get on the plane three days later to fly to Cheltenham for yet another run. And to meet my beloved family. Almost anyone has this favourite family member. This aunt, grandpa, cousin… whoever – the one that shows you a different kind of the world, helps to understand what’s going on, tell the family secrets…Well, my family in England has been the One for me. Their place is my safe place. What a combination, running and Cheltenham! A combo. For what? Who cared…
Cheltenham Half finish line; photo by my aunt Debbie Lange
I broke it. The 13.1 miles took almost three hours. I walked, cried, got angry. I was limping already at the start line. I remember strangers talking to me at the finish line „we saw in town, you were suffering, are you ok?”
The VIP flight home was unforgettable. The pain also. The mess around figuring out what exactly is wrong with my hip too. Altogether it took over twelve months. Hours of physio, diet (I hate diets! I see them as a limitation only unfortunately – still an area to address ;D), four MRIs as no other imaging deciphered the fracture… it was well-hidden. Right in the core of the bone. As if you stuck a tiny needle in it – excruciating pain with no visible cause.
This was supposed to be a text about grit. The way Angela Duckworth and her team in Character Lab see it. The way we can practice it with Dr. Dweck’s Growth Mindset.
Dr. Duckworth says grit is more important than talent. That having a mission, life philosophy, a greater cause that organise your actions is of great significance. In her book, „Grit. The power of Passion and Perseverance” she also describes what she found as necessary to work on your grit. To me, the most moving part was about acceptance though. The readiness to do boring, repetitive, simple tasks seems to be the core here. The ability to see your actions in a longer time perspective combined with the willingness to sacrifice remains present throughout the whole book.
The willingness. To sacrifice. Not the kind of sacrifice that makes a martyr. None of the stories quoted by Angela are of sorrow, they are all about the gritty people who are able to accept and believe in the growth that comes with time. There is a lot about effort and perseverance.
Am I a gritty person? I thought I wasn’t. Then, maybe I am.
I am certainly gritty when it comes to running.
Running away.
Gritty at not reading the signs I fear to read. Gritty at pretending.
At least I was.
I lost my escape. I cannot run now more than 5k, my hip and, knee for that matter, are in the best condition possible but my urgent need to run away made it impossible for the joints to heal fully.
I lost my escape. But most probably gained something far more monumental. My self -awareness.
Damn, it’s been a hard lesson and an even harder path to follow.
But these days, I dare – I have learnt how. I daresay I do not want to run anymore. I want to live my life, be in my life, grittily fight for the growth and truth. Big words, I realise that painfully well. This is where I begin as putting them into aims and action is yet another story…
#lifeexperience #experiencelife #grit #growthmindset #selfawareness
read moreIn one of her books, Brene Brown tells a story of a speech she was to give on a conference. The whole thing starts with her peeking at the audience and realising what the „C-level managers” meant… While panicking, she received comfort and advice from another speaker, a sound advice she took wholeheartedly, and did too. It’s all about people. People. People. People. That’s a quote actually. Brene continues with her story to say that the moment she saw simply human beings there, all became much clearer, more real, more honest.
It was less than two years ago. Can’t really believe it’s that far away in time. One of my greatest adventures – a perfect combination of work and private life I’d seen as impossible before.
My Michal is a sailor, or a water-sports lover I should say. For some time he had been competing with the 505 class – a rather concise dinghy with immense sails and great speeds.
At some point in time, we started travelling together for the Polish Cup regatta. Everything was new to me back then. But already within one season, I had the greatest opportunity to meet wonderful, passionate bunch of crazies, in love with their boats, in love with the speed and with the water. With their minds and hearts wide open, even for someone who is so unexperienced as I was back then, they welcomed me with curiosity that you see with those who care. As simple as that.
I never sailed, I never even wanted to.
But it was all about people there. People.People. People.
From one event to another, we got to know each other better and better, made friends, travelled together, helped each other, enjoyed the evenings, and the days too for that matter.
It turned out that having somebody on the shore may be of use to the Polish 505 Class Association that organised the regatta and trainings. I would spend time among most passionate people I’d ever met doing a job that was both satisfactory and demanding for me. With my lack of experience and their trust in me, I got the change to grow in the area I never expected I would. I loved it. Novelty is a strong driver for me, especially if done with the right people around me.
Again. People. People. People.
So, when the then president of the Association, Przemek Zagórski, asked us all for help with translation I had no doubts. I called him and we agreed on some minor work. The minor work turned into a bit bigger work that then turned into an even bigger task. I was to host the international regatta in Poland. And by hosting I mean become the journalist of daily videos and partly a press officer as well as the anchor for all official events… Let me repeat myself… I LOVED IT!
You know this feeling, somewhere deep in your guts, sometimes close to your heart, sometimes in the feet… the one that tells you – this is it, this is my place, that’s what happiness feels like..?
Well, that was it for me. Although, there was nothing light about this job. I was only partly involved in the prep phase, I had only a short glimpse at what an amazing work Przemek did back then, almost on his own. I consider myself lucky to have had the opportunity to have this cooperation going as it was exactly him who taught me the most. It was him who let me to do my job at my best.
So, here I am, getting ready, hosting a press conference, getting more and more excited about it. Few weeks to go…I was thinking, how’s going to be? How many guests and participants woudl come. Will I manage?
It was grand… Almost 130 boats, from 14 countries worldwide. Literally. Over two weeks of work, non-stop during hot summertime in Gdynia. The 505SAPWorlds2018 – World championship that take place yearly, on two sides of the globe interchangeably. This time it was Poland – a great success for us, ensured by the one and only Przemek who worked closely with Michal and Paulina – it’s all their doing, worth highlighting.
I voluntarily gave up lying on a beach for working twelve hours a day, each day, in any weather conditions, on land and on water (I’m not a fan of RIBs really…now I know for sure). Hours of material – writing, shooting, managing the international teams, jury, guests, dealing with setbacks, simply an ongoing project management. Madness one may say. Oh yes, it was pure craziness incarnated. But, again, there was nothing I’d change. Literally nothing! It made me happy…
SAP 505 World Championship 2018 || 2018-07-27, Gdynia, Poland || © Copyright 2018 || Polskie Stowarzyszenie Klasy 505 || All Rights Reserved || photo: Robert Hajduk – ShutterSail.com
Every second was a pleasure. The writing, seeing the sailors off in the morning, welcoming them back in the afternoon, awarding them daily, celebrating birthdays, celebrating records, celebrating life&diversity. No matter how my feet or my throat hurt, my skin sunburnt, none of it was a burden. Why? Well, yes, you guessed it! People. People. People.
The videography was done by two artists of their profession – I owe them a huge thanks for understanding my multiple roles at the marina, their patience and sense of humour that saved us so many times. The photos, including the one here, were taken by an already walking legend of sailing photography, Robert Hajduk. I just couldn’t believe how blessed I was. I still can’t. Now when I reminisce the days, I remind myself that such work is possible. That the right people combined with good intentions and grit make my ideal work reality. My greatest lesson learnt… it’s always and all about…
PEOPLE PEOPLE PEOPLE.
The SAP2018Worlds have their site: https://sap505worlds2018.com/news and a fanpage: https://www.facebook.com/505worlds2018/
I think we must have done it well as there is still interest in it 🙂
The photo I used here was taken on the last evening, during the farewell party, by Robert Hajduk (https://www.facebook.com/shuttersail) whereas the daily videography was orchastrated by Łukasz Dzida together with his friend Bartek (https://www.facebook.com/dzidaproduction/)
Enjoy as these are masterpieces.
Przemek, thank you.
read moreShortly after my 35th Birthday I watched „The life of PI”. And I fell in love. No, not in Piscine. In the whale. The huge blue whale ( at least I think it was the blue one). I watched that scene again and again. Do you get that sometimes? The moments in songs, in movies that you want to return to as they make you feel… hm, alive, happy, strong, willing..?
Well, there it was. My new Dream. Dream to see the whale live till I’m 40. I made a decision. All I had to do is take some action.
Right… So here I am, not exactly sure what to do with my life, but so damn sure I want to see a whale…as crazy as it sounded, it made sense. Ok, so where do I star? How do I tackle this? Wait. so where exactly do people get to see the whales?
That’s how general my knowledge was… Al I knew was that was my grand goal and need. Martyna Wojciechowska, a traveller and a very brave woman to me once wrote a book on moving the horizon – when going gets tough, make the effort of finding a far-distance goal and let the current situation be just a step on the way, not an objective at all. I suppose that was my whale then. I needed an incredibly distant and great aim as the changes I was going through were simply harsh.
Harsh, and as it turned out, also energy, emotions, attention-consuming. A needed although difficult step on my way in life. The whale still there, had to stay a dream for a while.
Then, a year later, here I am building my new life, testing my priorities and checking for my needs. The whale seems to remain a dream. There are so many other important things to attend to now. The”real stuff…” So, how many of you have that? The „real stuff” that precedes dreams? It could be anything. A trip somewhere far, learning to snowboard, try paragliding, visit Taj Mahal. Your pick.
But Dear Life has much in store for me – I have come to learn that 😉 And I have come to grateful (not such an easy task for me to be honest).
One of the first things I learnt about my partner was that he has two sisters and one of them lives in Australia. No, it didn’t ring the bell just yet… Then, few months later, Australia introduced gay marriages. So the girls got engaged. Well, by that time, I had a gut feeling… Then we got the invitation! A wedding, in Australia, in August…
There is this magical place called the Hervey Bay. It’s a unique place where humpbacks come on their way back from breeding and mating journey to the North. The difference here is that those who come to watch them do not stop them on the path back home. They swim into the bay plainly for fun and rest, to enjoy the time with their new mates or babies.
Hervey Bay 1661km from where Joanna and Kristy live. We took a camper van, drove the distance in few days, and one beautiful August 2019 morning boarded a speed boat. We saw six of them, the humpbacks. As the guide said: „I’m not sure who’s watching who here. Is it us, coming to see the whales or is it the whales coming over to show their offspring the people… look baby, these are people, they make funny noises and movements to attract us.”
If I were to pick the greatest disappointments in my life, there is a clear answer in my case. The unexploited opportunities. Nothing else. The moments when I had it – the Life was giving it to me and I didn’t see it/ was too afraid/intimidated… I wasted many chances like that. A chance to say thank you to Martyna Wojciechowska for her book is my newest „achievement”.
But you know, no more. It’s time. It”s time to swim with the whales.
My next great, audacious plan is a trip to the US to meet and learn from Brene Brown. And then a conference with Ursula Dudziak in Atlas Arena, Łódź. Both till my 45th Birthday.
Will keep you posted I’m afraid…
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When I was five years old, we went with my mum to the UK, to visit her brother. He and his wife, Debbie, just had their second daughter. My mum was to become her godmother. Back then, in 1986, flying a plane abroad was a big thing…especially for a five-year-old whose never left the country before.
I remember the British Airways flight attendant looking so beautiful ( then I decided I’ll be like her one day…), I remember the huge wings of the airplane…although it certainly was not a jumbo jet…I remember Heathrow airport…then I understood how little I was.
I remember „Toys’r’Us” Store… where I cried as the choice was way too overwhelming… And I remember meeting Santa Claus… I remember playing with no words with my cousins, or with other children at a kindergarten… boy, that was something!
But what I remember best is my aunt in one particular situation. My mum left with her brother for some shopping and my aunt was putting us all to bed. My cousin were already asleep and Debbie was stuck with me and… Cinderella. Stuck as I didn’t know what a fan was. She wasn’t happy with the drawing in the book and mind you we were already doing the Polenglish communication level master… So she ventured to find her old fan. She took out a shoebox from the attic. And the magic started! The whole universe opened to me. There it was, just in front of my eyes, my aunt’s life, where each and every item had a story, had a life, had an experience written into it.
This evening changed the way I thought about shoeboxes… It made me realise meaningful shoeboxes actually existed 😉
Now, I collect shoeboxes. No, not the actual ones but the stories. Stories that picture #lifeexperience. My own, but not only. Stories of love, sadness, pain, courage, struggle, anger. Stories that show us as human beings capable of all the spectrum of emotions and feelings. My work is very much about communication, on multiple levels. That’s how want it to be. And storytelling plays an important role in that meaningful and courageous communication I work with.
The #lifeexperience blog is dedicated to sharing some of the stories I heard or lived through – I find sharing stories important, tribal in nature, even community building. Yes, my intention is to build a community that will share stories that help others, show them we’re not alone in this world, show courage in action – something I believe we all need desperately all across the globe these days.
You’ll find here stories of struggle, stories of life-changing experiences, stories of beauty, love and freedom. We all love stories, Joe Stanton from Pixar says, and my beloved Brene Brown claims that stories are data with a soul. The soul is what I’m searching for. The laughter and faith is what usually come with good stories.
I love mottos… this one’s been with me since the beginning of my work: „Will it be easy? Nope. Worth it? Definitely!”
I may not know exactly where this journey will take me. But I’m going. Are you going with me?
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